SPOTLIGHTED PODCAST ALERT (YOUR ARTICLE BEGINS A FEW INCHES DOWN)...
The following report originally published 20 years ago this week here at PWTorch.com…
WWE FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN
JUNE 2, 2005
TAPED TUESDAY IN EDMONTON, ALB.
BY WADE KELLER, PWTORCH EDITOR
-The show opened with a highlight package on last week’s Winner’s Choice battle royal including the silly finish with Kurt Angle “choosing” to wrestle Sharmell – a non-contracted non-wrestler spouse of a wrestler who somehow is now forced to wrestle Angle because Angle won a battle royal. If Angle could have chosen anyone, he should have chosen Tom Cruise or Oprah which would drawn a hell of a rating and made almost as much sense. I know WWE Creative doesn’t consider such stuff important, because they equate it to a wrestler bouncing off the ropes when thrown into them rather than hanging on, but it’s different.
Michael Cole and Tazz look especially bad for plugging the match without questioning the legality of forcing Sharmell into a match. All they had to do was have Cole question whether Sharmell could be forced into wrestling Angle, and have Teddy Long reluctantly say that because Sharmell had been at ringside recently, she had to sign a WWE contract, and therefore, by the letter of the law of the “Winner’s Choice” contract, she was eligible. Cole keeps his credibility, Long explains the situation, and Angle still looks bad for taking advantage of a loophole to force a non-wrestler into the ring.
-Michael Cole introduced the show saying that this is the final episode of Smackdown with its current landscape.
-Carlito’s Cabana then took place. Carlito was standing in the ring alongside Matt Morgan. His hair was as out of control as ever, and therefore as cool as ever. Carlito took some digs at John Cena. Cena walked out in an Edmonton Oilers jersey (the Oilers were a team that played in that old professional hockey league, the NHL). Cole said Carlito must be confident in Morgan as his backup to make such comments. Cena made fun of Carlito’s accent. He called Morgan a “seven foot stuttering palm tree.”
As Morgan got stuck on the “p-p-p-p” sound, Cena suggested a dozen or so words that began with “p” including one that got bleeped. Morgan finally said “palm tree.” Cena compared Morgan to Elmer Fudd and told him to stick to being “big and quiet.” I’m sure the kids who stutter out there who used to look up to Cena are feeling kind of crummy right now. Morgan should be a heel for some reason other than something as shallow as judging someone for stuttering, and Cena as a babyface should be finding something a little more worthy of mocking Morgan for. Carlito threatened Cena, saying that if he snapped his fingers, Morgan would attack him just as he did Big Show last week.
Cena said in case Carlito is sent to Raw, he wanted to get one thing straight. “You’re not cool, you’re a cabana boy,” he said. “You wear pastels, you drink fruity drinks, you hang out with oversized Michael Cole wanna bes.” When Carlito protested, Cena pointed out that both Morgan and Cole have beads, thinning black hair, and privately oils himself up and walks around in spandex.” Tazz laughed. Carlito said if he can beat him down on his very first night on Smackdown, he can’t wait until next week when Triple H or Edge or Shawn Michaels comes to Smackdown and embarrasses him. Cena said everybody is making big deal of the draft, but he doesn’t care which show you’re from or who you are, “you want some, come get some.”
[Commercial Break]
-Teddy Long was on the phone backstage when Booker T barged in and demanded something be done about Angle’s challenge. Long said he was going to even the score and force Angle to face both Sharmell and Booker T. Cole said it was great of Cole to give Sharmell a fighting chance.
2 — MNM vs. CHARLIE HAAS & HARDCORE HOLLY — WWE Tag Team Title match
This was a “most falls in 15 minutes” match. Holly and Matthews exchanged some chops early. Holly scored a near fall at 3:00. A few seconds later, Nitro sidekicked Holly as he was about to suplex Mercury while the ref was distracted by Melina, leading to a quick three count. The champs isolated Holly in the corner and choked him. They cut to a break at 5:00 when Holly scored a two count on a roll-up on Nitro.
[Commercial Break]
The falls ended up 2-1 in favor of MNM. Haas hot-tagged Holly at 13:15. MNM took over and set up their Snap Shot finisher on Holly. Haas broke that up and speared Nitro out of the ring. Holly then gave Nitro an Alabama Slam with the clock expiring, but Melina covered Matthews, delaying Holly’s chance to get a three count just as the bell rang to end the match.
WINNERS: MNM at 15:00 to retain the WWE Tag Titles.
STAR RATING: **1/4 — Now that it’s become a full-fledged tag team feud, it’d be nice to see Holly & Haas get some mic time to promote their agenda and get across their personalities. Some would argue using the plural is incorrect in that Haas has no personality, but Holly could make up the difference.
-A promo aired with the Dudleys standing inside a ring setting a table on fire. Then the “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” lyrics played.
[Commercial Break]
-A highlight package aired on the Rey Mysterio-Eddie Guerrero feud.
[Commercial Break]
-When Kurt Angle arrived at the ring, he turned to Tazz and said, “What goes around, comes around.” He said he was disrespected during his one appearance at an ECW event in 1996. He said Tazz disrespected him, then a clip aired from Oct. 26, 1996. Tazz told Angle back then in center ring that he wanted Angle to do commentary and tell the world what a great wrestler he is. “Congratulations, you’re a great amateur, but I’m a great professional,” said Tazz. Great clip.
Angle said, “I’ve come to the realization that that wasn’t you, that the devil made you do it, and the devil is Paul Heyman.” He said Tazz isn’t like those ECW wrestlers, adding “well, they’re not really wrestlers,” and said their careers came to a halt when ECW went out of business. Angle said Tazz is a superstar, but ECW didn’t make him a superstar, WWE did. He said at One Night Stand, he wanted Tazz to join forces with him as part of the Smackdown army of volunteers to kill ECW once and for all. “Join me and the company that made you a household name instead of reliving pointless memories for one night,” he said. Angle then called Booker and Sharmell to the ring.
ARTICLE CONTINUED BELOW…
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3 — KURT ANGLE vs. BOOKER T & SHARMELL
Angle chased Sharmell around ringside, but was blindsided by Booker. Inside the ring, Booker retained control until he missed a jump wheel kick. Angle knocked Booker to the floor. Sharmell retreated to ringside to check on Booker. Angle grabbed Sharmell and put her head between his legs in a powerbomb set-up, but Angle gyrated and smiled with a look of gratification. Booker attacked him from behind at that moment, then gave him a Book End. When he climbed to the top rope, Angle jumped up, knocked him off balance, and chopped away at his chest.
[Commercial Break]
Angle caught Sharmell’s leg as she kicked at him. When he went for an Anklelock, Booker intervened quickly. Booker then nailed Angle with a series of clotheslines and punches followed by a jump spin wheel kick. He missed with a scissors kick. Angle shoved Booker into the corner where both the ref and Sharmell went down. Booker called for help, then sidekicked Angle in the chin. Booker leaned over to check on Sharmell and helped her to her feet. Angle re-entered the ring and began bashing Booker repeatedly with a chair. Angle then smiled as he had Sharmell cornered. Angle then rolled up Sharmell in sexually suggestive position and scored the three count. As Angle laid on Sharmell and held her down after the pin, Booker charged back into the ring. Angle fled, but had a big grin pasted on his face.
WINNER: Angle at 8:16.
STAR RATING: *1/4 — It accomplished what it intended. Booker’s intensity is up several notches now.
-An ECW commercial aired focusing on Tommy Dreamer. It’s funny that the symbol of ECW rebelliousness and anti-establishment has become the right hand man to Mr. Corporate John Laurenaitis behind the scenes in WWE. In his current role, Dreamer is the epitome of the opposite of what ECW stood for. It’s not personally hypocritical since Dreamer was always just playing a character on TV and smartly took a front office job with WWE when the opportunity presented itself, but the symbolism is particularly ironic. But then so is a WWE-promoted ECW-branded PPV in and of itself.
[Commercial Break]
-A video feature aired of John Cena making the media rounds promoting his CD. One thing’s for sure. No one can make a case that Smackdown is being treated entirely as an inferior brand with Cena getting a much bigger mainstream push than Batista. It helps to have something to peddle and to be as personable and marketable as Cena is in general.
4 — HEIDENREICH vs. DEVON NICHOLSON
Before the match, Heidenreich walked to the ring and asked who wanted to be his friend. He picked out a little girl who looked a little like Lita. He read her a poem suggesting he might make new friends if he moves to Raw including potentially Eugene. There seemed to be some boos when he said Eugene’s name. Cole said it’d be crazy if Heidenreich and Eugene hung out together. Tazz said, “There’s no grey area, you’re either his friend or you’re not.” He then sang along to his music. Cole said, “You’re as weird as he is.” Heidenreich won in a minute.
WINNER: Heidenreich at 0:38.
STAR RATING: 1/4* – Barely a match. Devon took a nice bump off of a Heidenreich clothesline.
-Backstage Mark Jindrak told the Smackdown Divas that it will be their loss to not be around him anymore since he’s so hot. He said they’re getting older and it’s time for some new hos around Smackdown. “You know, like ones who put out,” he added. They threw powder on him.
[Commercial Break]
5 — NUNZIO vs. JBL
Cole called Guido a “former ECW star.” There’s a way to endorse ECW. Put over a Smackdown jobber as a former ECW star. Notice there are no ECW superstars, just ECW stars. Only WWE creates superstars. Tazz detailed that Guido was part of the FBI, the Full Blooded Italians, and was known then as Little Guido. Tazz refused to respond to Cole’s inquiries about whether he’s side with Angle or Heyman at the PPV.
Before the match, JBL cut an anti-Paul Heyman promo, comparing him to Al Gore (a guy who once ran for president, won the popular vote, and then disappeared). He said Heyman taking credit for Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, The Dudleys, Rey Mysterio, Stone Cold, and Mick Foley is like Gore taking credit for creating the internet (The Gore quote he’s referencing is: “During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet.”) “News flash. Paul Heyman is a liar!” he said. “At least Al Gore didn’t live in the basement with his mommy, at least Al Gore didn’t bounce checks to his buddies, at least Al Gore wasn’t such a bad businessman that Vince McMahon had to give him half a million dollars to bail him out and he blew that, too. At least Al Gore didn’t run for president in a bingo hall.”
He called ECW’s style “trash” and blamed ECW for the hardcore beatings he has taken over the past year. He questioned by fans would chant ECW when they can chant JBL. He claimed New York City was his hometown. He said he is proud to join Angle and Eric Bischoff in putting ECW out of business “yet again.” He proposed to Guido they make the match an “ECW rules match.” Guido accepted. JBL kicked Guido out of the ring at the start. Guido got in some shots at the cabinet members with the kendo stick, but quickly went down hard to a big boot, a short-arm Clothesline from Hell, and a final kendo stick shot to the head.
WINNER: JBL at 1:04.
STAR RATING: 1/4* — By the way, when exactly did Heyman “take credit” for Benoit, Guerrero, Foley, Stone Cold, or Rey Mysterio?
-Booker T promised Teddy Long that “he’s going to take Kurt Angle out.” Booker promised to get back at Angle whether it’s legal or illegal. Long said if he and Angle are both still on Smackdown after last week, he will book them one-on-one.
[Commercial Break]
-An ECW commercial aired focused on Sandman.
6 — JOHN CENA & BIG SHOW vs. CARLITO & MATT MORGAN
Big Show beat up Carlito inside the ring, then threw him onto Morgan at ringside.
[Commercial Break]
Cena tagged in after the break. Morgan soon gained control and choked and stomped away at him. Cena hot-tagged Show at 7:00 who knocked Carlito and Morgan around. Carlito and Morgan dominated Show for a couple of minutes with rapid tags. Morgan scored a two count after a Russian leg sweep. Cena tagged himself in at 11:00 and went to work on both Carltio and Morgan. He showed great fire. Show eventually recovered and knocked Morgan out of the ring with a big clothesline. Cena then hit Carlito with a Five Knuckle Shuffle and an FU for the win.
WINNER: Cena & Show at 12:08.
STAR RATING: *1/2 — Show is sluggish. Morgan looks really stiff. Just an okay match, about what you’d expect from this foursome.
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